we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
