I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
When are your genitals available?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
