I must be too annoying 4 u.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
ok first of all what the fuck
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
