AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
