Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
