You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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