You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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