Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
