I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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