Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
