You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
