She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
