Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
