Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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