but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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