She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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