like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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