I CAN MOONWALK!
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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