i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize