I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
