I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
