i barfeds in our rink
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
