you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
