drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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