Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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