I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
