We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
