Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
