wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
