I'm gonna have a badass scar
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
