Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
