Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
im six kinds of drunk right now
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
