she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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