Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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