I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
