The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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