Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
