I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
