I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
