morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
