I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
