My room smells like vodka and shame
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
