i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
