I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Dear god my vagina.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
