how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
