I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
