As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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