just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
