And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
