fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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