I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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