I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just found a bag of teeth...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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