When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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