You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
