I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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