Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
