My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
