we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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