She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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