He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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