Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
