just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
