So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
