Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
