It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
