we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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