Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
