i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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