I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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