i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
