I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
