You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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