you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
