Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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