so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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