you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
