I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
