I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I believe in your delicious
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
