People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Randomize
