Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i barfeds in our rink
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
