If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
