i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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