that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
