Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
