All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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