Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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