you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
