We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Non-Jews are for practice
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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