fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
3pm strippers are depressing
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize