I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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