i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
