lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
