someone get that fucking seahorse.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You're like the curious george of whores
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
