Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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