i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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