If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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