You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
